Design Systems for Liberty: Self Care

     The topic of self care is a crucial building block in the foundation of personal liberty. It is also seldom discussed or glossed over as just another type of resilience, it is a hard topic to nail down since everyone has a slightly different version. In this post I am going to use my own experience as my guide, elaborating on a few important points.

1. You can't help anyone if you can't help yourself.
Giving yourself the love and attention you deserve should be your first priority. I've found it extremely difficult to communicate and be close with friends and family when my emotional or physical fitness are compromised. My work ethic suffers, I stop writing, and a general sense of depression envelopes my world. This is no place to invite another persons problems or worries unless that person is also willing to feel some of your pain, in that case your own issues can often help you overcome them, the problem is the solution. Self care is not always achieved alone. In fact great healing can come from shared experiences. The point is you must consciously make the decision to better yourself first. Without realizing your problem you cannot begin to repair it.

2. Your body and your mind are powerful tools, and they need maintenance.
Many forms of mind/body connecting exercises are out there. Two of the most effective maintenance tools are yoga and breathing exercise. Now I'm not at all an expert on either of these but I can attest to their effectiveness in improving your attitude, strength, sexuality and general health overall. If you want to experience a more balanced sense of being I would strongly recommend learning some of these techniques! I find that morning exercise and grounding helps me maintain focus on my personal health and well being. I am less inclined to act rashly or without prior thought when my mind and body are connected. Sharing this experience with a partner can strengthen relationships as well. The aftereffects of a caring and grounding hug can be felt for days after the event. This can be done with a lover, a friend or an instructor, indeed self care is a group effort!

3.Touch.
Touch can be difficult for many people. Depending on what life has dealt you even the softest caress can bring immediate emotional pain. If this is you then you may not be ready to enter the physical realm of healing, perhaps more mind and body connection could help you get to this step. My belief is that our society has been lead to think that touch is a purely sexual experience and sex is BAD and a SIN so many people may not ever get to experience one of the ultimate tools in the self care kit. A good massage therapist will help you improve your mind body connection and help with your aching bits as well. There is also a fear of being naked in front of another person, let me assure you, you only have to be as naked as you feel comfortable with, you will probably expose your whole life story though so really you have nothing to be ashamed of! Of course massage is only one way that touch can heal us. Simply holding hands and breathing together can be very uplifting. Not all touch is sexual, not all nudity is sexual. Being aware of this will greatly improve your ability to self care. The common thread here is there is someone helping you. Self care takes a community.

4. Sex
Yup, you guessed it. An unhealthy sex life is often the reason we become disengaged with our partners, our jobs and sometimes society as a whole! Sex is such a taboo subject that many people would rather stay in a non sexual marriage than try to fix the problem. Let me tell you the problem is within yourself and you must search it out and repair it if you would like to have a healthy sexual relationship with anyone, ever. For many of us this will mean a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. It will mean combating our beliefs on marriage, religion, male privilege, addiction and education. Sex is one of those all encompassing activities that can either be extremely blissful or completely destructive. I think it's in our best interest to lean heavily on the blissful side of this one! As a 35 year old white male I have to admit I am still exploring many of my previous beliefs on sex. As I read more into it I see the value of the discussion points I have mentioned above. The path to liberty must involve a grounded and thorough understanding of sexuality, for if we neglect this responsibility we truly limit one of the most joyous and invigorating aspects of humanness. As with many other forms of self care sex is a community topic just as much as it is a private one. You will find yourself become more comfortable with it the more uncomfortable you are willing to get. Take your time with this one, it's worth it.

5. Physical Wellness
I could have easily called this section "fitness and diet" but that is too one dimensional. Physical wellness involves fitness and diet but it also includes herbal medicine, social dining, entertaining, laughter, posture, attitude and awareness. Think holistically about what makes a person truly well. Picture you in your best moment, the time you felt most alive, at that point you were well! Perhaps you could be even better! I know I can be. Physical wellness is different than maintenance. Maintenance helps us stay in a positive mind body state. Wellness is what we do to get to that state. It's what we put into our body so we can be the best version of ourselves for ourselves. You will know when you are there but don't beat yourself up about the last five pounds or for quiting with two laps left. Nobody is perfect, I wouldn't want to be.

6. Spiritual Growth
In my world spiritual growth is a critical component of self care. Without going into any detail I will simply say that all of the previous points are made so much better via spiritual pathways. This is one form of self care that can be completely personal and intimate. My spiritual path is completely different than anyone else's, it is indeed what makes me the person I am. It's like a fingerprint on your soul.

     I know I am missing important parts here and left out tonnes of information on this topic, but hey there's always room for part two or three...I hope you found this to be helpful if you are struggling with self care at the moment. Feel free to comment or discuss this on social media. We could all use a real adult discussion on some of these topics, I look forward to your feedback!

We Are Missing Something

     Before I get started today I want to give you a quote from Miles Olsens' book "Unlearn, Rewild" this is an excerpt from the conclusion, it reads as follows. "Everyone knows that in any relationship, if there is a conflict that doesn't get dealt with, if someone is upset but doesn't speak up, things don't get better- they simmer and stew and get worse. If we don't stop and deal with our problems as they arise, making changes and course corrections while we go along, things are going to get more and more difficult until just existing in a miserable lie is too much to handle." He then goes on to write, "The myth of progress tells a story in which everything that came before this moment is useless and obsolete, while everything that comes after will be better."

     This morning before I drove my daughter to school and my wife to work I had an opportunity to walk with my son to his bus stop. The air was fresh and cold for our standards, five degrees below zero, centigrade. A crystalline frost coated the rooftops and gardens in our little neighbourhood. As we approached the roadway, busy with commuter traffic, an eagle began to sing out to the morning sun, or perhaps in salutation to the waning crescent moon that was still bright in the cool dawn sky. My son was in tune with the natural elements as was I. There was enough to be learned from these natural beings that I began to wonder why we are so infatuated with the built environment, the "human construct". The eagle soared above us in the direction of my son's school "why can't I ride him to school Dad?" pondered my son, "Can you summon the eagle?" I respond, answering a question with a question, not thinking that in his mind he probably already did. Children have this superpower, an animal instinct that has been lost in most adults. As he boarded the school bus I knew deep down that he was flying with that eagle today and that eagle will provide him with the spirit he needs to get through his school day. It will because I can't. Today I too must fly.
     My flight is both literal and metaphorical. I'm going away for a job, to contribute to the broken wheel that is modernity. This incessant, grinding machine that robs men of their wild selves, reducing them to hopeless shadows, soullessly dragging their haggard bodies to the trough for the next paycheck. I will play by their rules and give my time, the most valuable thing I possess, to them. To the machine that I despise. The centrifuge of debt. This is my nest, my bed, and in it I will lay. For how long who knows. The choices we make as youth, and while we mature sometimes take time to pay off, perhaps that's how we gain appreciation for the true cost of our actions. I used to be bitter about my debt, resentful to myself for being so "stupid". I have grown to accept it, to learn from it. This doesn't mean I am happy about it. What it does mean is I have to dig in deeper, mining more time, the time my younger self stole from me, without really knowing. Through this turmoil I will teach. Teach the children to retain their wild selves, to lash out against those who wish to tame them. They still have that chance. I haven't lost all hope at least not for them. Unfortunately there are those who cannot be saved. They will sacrifice their lives to the machine, lost souls are difficult to retrieve. I will fly. I will fight and I will make our lives better but not for the sake of progress, at least not the kind of progress that they advertise on tv. Not for the cars, the fake tans and billboard charts. I will fly so they can see what we have done and what we are missing.
     Every sunrise you miss stuck in traffic on the way to your job, every tap of the woodpecker as she searches for grubs to feed her young, the dandelion roots diving deep into the soil the provide nutrients for the surrounding plants (do you really want to spray roundup on your "weeds" now?). These are the moments in time, the lessons we are missing. These plastic lives we have created are causing the disengagement of the people in our lives that matter most, our children and in some cases our partners. We aren't allowed to slow down. We aren't permitted to explore our true wild selves. If we don't keep fueling the machine progress will halt and money will be meaningless. The system is fragile.
      What if we let go of the wheel and let our hearts run free. Who would we hurt? Ourselves? Our families? Our bosses?The municipal governments? Now ask yourself who would benefit. This certainly wouldn't be a selfish decision. To be able to share yourself with people emotionally, physically (both in love and in labour) and spiritually. Sharing wisdom, tools, experience with those who wish to be part of your life. Are we really as free as we think? Are we allowing diversity to enter our being? Imagine the benefits to your family, your community and yourself as we enter the world of wild humans. Those living synergistic lives, together with the land. Without clocks to punch and debt to pay. To be truly human is to be free. Like the eagle and the waning cresent moon.
Let's take the time to teach our children that they are a wild being. Let them soar. Let them play. Let them learn in an environment that is fluid and alive. My daughter tells me she can't learn when she is cramping with menstrual pain. Why force her? What you're teaching them is that the system is pain, the system is restrictive and they really aren't free to make their own choices! Is that what you want? Seriously what the fuck have we done? We are missing the point of life and it's not getting better with "progress". 
     It's time to get to work. I hope you will join me.