The topic of self care is a crucial building block in the foundation of personal liberty. It is also seldom discussed or glossed over as just another type of resilience, it is a hard topic to nail down since everyone has a slightly different version. In this post I am going to use my own experience as my guide, elaborating on a few important points.
1. You can't help anyone if you can't help yourself.
Giving yourself the love and attention you deserve should be your first priority. I've found it extremely difficult to communicate and be close with friends and family when my emotional or physical fitness are compromised. My work ethic suffers, I stop writing, and a general sense of depression envelopes my world. This is no place to invite another persons problems or worries unless that person is also willing to feel some of your pain, in that case your own issues can often help you overcome them, the problem is the solution. Self care is not always achieved alone. In fact great healing can come from shared experiences. The point is you must consciously make the decision to better yourself first. Without realizing your problem you cannot begin to repair it.
2. Your body and your mind are powerful tools, and they need maintenance.
Many forms of mind/body connecting exercises are out there. Two of the most effective maintenance tools are yoga and breathing exercise. Now I'm not at all an expert on either of these but I can attest to their effectiveness in improving your attitude, strength, sexuality and general health overall. If you want to experience a more balanced sense of being I would strongly recommend learning some of these techniques! I find that morning exercise and grounding helps me maintain focus on my personal health and well being. I am less inclined to act rashly or without prior thought when my mind and body are connected. Sharing this experience with a partner can strengthen relationships as well. The aftereffects of a caring and grounding hug can be felt for days after the event. This can be done with a lover, a friend or an instructor, indeed self care is a group effort!
3.Touch.
Touch can be difficult for many people. Depending on what life has dealt you even the softest caress can bring immediate emotional pain. If this is you then you may not be ready to enter the physical realm of healing, perhaps more mind and body connection could help you get to this step. My belief is that our society has been lead to think that touch is a purely sexual experience and sex is BAD and a SIN so many people may not ever get to experience one of the ultimate tools in the self care kit. A good massage therapist will help you improve your mind body connection and help with your aching bits as well. There is also a fear of being naked in front of another person, let me assure you, you only have to be as naked as you feel comfortable with, you will probably expose your whole life story though so really you have nothing to be ashamed of! Of course massage is only one way that touch can heal us. Simply holding hands and breathing together can be very uplifting. Not all touch is sexual, not all nudity is sexual. Being aware of this will greatly improve your ability to self care. The common thread here is there is someone helping you. Self care takes a community.
4. Sex
Yup, you guessed it. An unhealthy sex life is often the reason we become disengaged with our partners, our jobs and sometimes society as a whole! Sex is such a taboo subject that many people would rather stay in a non sexual marriage than try to fix the problem. Let me tell you the problem is within yourself and you must search it out and repair it if you would like to have a healthy sexual relationship with anyone, ever. For many of us this will mean a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. It will mean combating our beliefs on marriage, religion, male privilege, addiction and education. Sex is one of those all encompassing activities that can either be extremely blissful or completely destructive. I think it's in our best interest to lean heavily on the blissful side of this one! As a 35 year old white male I have to admit I am still exploring many of my previous beliefs on sex. As I read more into it I see the value of the discussion points I have mentioned above. The path to liberty must involve a grounded and thorough understanding of sexuality, for if we neglect this responsibility we truly limit one of the most joyous and invigorating aspects of humanness. As with many other forms of self care sex is a community topic just as much as it is a private one. You will find yourself become more comfortable with it the more uncomfortable you are willing to get. Take your time with this one, it's worth it.
5. Physical Wellness
I could have easily called this section "fitness and diet" but that is too one dimensional. Physical wellness involves fitness and diet but it also includes herbal medicine, social dining, entertaining, laughter, posture, attitude and awareness. Think holistically about what makes a person truly well. Picture you in your best moment, the time you felt most alive, at that point you were well! Perhaps you could be even better! I know I can be. Physical wellness is different than maintenance. Maintenance helps us stay in a positive mind body state. Wellness is what we do to get to that state. It's what we put into our body so we can be the best version of ourselves for ourselves. You will know when you are there but don't beat yourself up about the last five pounds or for quiting with two laps left. Nobody is perfect, I wouldn't want to be.
6. Spiritual Growth
In my world spiritual growth is a critical component of self care. Without going into any detail I will simply say that all of the previous points are made so much better via spiritual pathways. This is one form of self care that can be completely personal and intimate. My spiritual path is completely different than anyone else's, it is indeed what makes me the person I am. It's like a fingerprint on your soul.
I know I am missing important parts here and left out tonnes of information on this topic, but hey there's always room for part two or three...I hope you found this to be helpful if you are struggling with self care at the moment. Feel free to comment or discuss this on social media. We could all use a real adult discussion on some of these topics, I look forward to your feedback!
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